I have been writing these messages since 2000. That is 18 years of Solstice reflections, messages, summaries etc. Today, on this glorious Solstice morning, I felt as if they aren’t needed anymore, at least by me anyway.
So this will be my last Solstice message ever.
I have done enough. Some readers have been here since the beginning, others have come in along the way, and some have left in-between then and now.
The release of my new book this year, a summary of my radio years (2005-2017) was meant to be a testament to the legacy of my time on the airwaves. What I have learned from the process of doing it is that knowing when to let go is vital in all of our human experience.
Last year on this day I was in the Pacific Northwest photographing the worlds largest to scale private mineral collection. Crystals the size of small cars. An adventure that began from a simple Facebook post. It is amazing how things spread, good and bad.
I grew up without social media, or Youtube or worrying about how many likes I get or don’t get on anything I say or write. I remember those days with fond love. They seemed less complicated, more genuine and friends didn’t just unfriend you and never speak to you again the way they do now. There was a sense of stability in it all.
So what is on my mind this morning as the Solstice sun rises?
In all honesty, I have seen such disgusting underbellies of human character these last few months especially, it is hard to find kind words right now for my fellow humans. I have watched shameful conversations on social media that bring nothing but separation to all of us. I have watched people declare their love, yet leave without a second thought, ending friendships over petty ridiculous things. I have sought out sisterhood, only to be quickly reminded of how mean and selfish women can be, and how destructive this is to the overall sense of matriarchy and unity. I have witnessed a kind of ghosting from some who claim to be professional and seeking truth, but never once bother to speak to others directly about why they have just stopped communicating. No integrity.
In other words, the reflection of the world RIGHT NOW is the opposite of love.
Everywhere you look there are conversations about politics, oh right but maybe you’re one of those who don’t do politics! yet you have no problem leaving awful comments about your real feelings of the state of things. The hypocrisy is deep, and many are stuck in living a life of complaining, finger pointing, hate and judgement. All while some portray their spiritual feathers as if that excuses them from their behavior.
I have a beautiful life, filled with connection, love, respect, support from my partner and my family. As I get older, and wiser, I realize those that really do love you, never leave and always hold you in high regard in their hearts. Their friendship is real, they don’t threaten you, sever the connection for petty insignificant reasons, and leave you feeling used and abused.
Having put myself out there over the years as a public person, I have seen my share of dark in people. I have conquered my own and learned a great deal about human nature a long the way. I wish I could tell you all of it has been wonderful, happy, loving and peaceful. Although I have had many great experiences that are worthy of fond memories, much of it has been filled with pain and heartbreak.
The business world behind the scene in the New Age industry, and the alternative media industry, is steeped with lack of experience, knowledge and know how. Many spiritually adept people are horrible with handling money and never accomplish much because of it. Others are all about the money and lack the necessary heart connection to make the circle complete, and only focus on keeping you locked in so you pay. This includes doing anything necessary to protect their bread winning circles, and many hold true only to their pocketbooks. The bottom line is more important.
I see a world who judges people by what they post on Facebook, or Instagram, or by how many followers or likes one has. Peoples value are equated by their social acceptance and popularity, like in high school. Isn’t this the opposite of what we are taught in our spiritual awakenings?
I know, I may sound bitter, but that’s because in many ways I am. I don’t need anyone telling me that is right or wrong. It’s honest and how I feel right now. I am bitter about how the world is spinning, lies, webs, stories, reputations, all of it.
Is this how I really want to leave the two decades worth of messages I have given away FOR FREE? Maybe that is the problem. I don’t charge enough.
I treasure my privacy, what a crime these days. Clearly if you want, and especially if you enjoy, privacy one must be hiding something. How sad. In a world when texts come in and people expect immediate responses, how dare they! A text is an intrusion into someones day. You have no idea what others are doing at any given time, and these instant expectations are a result of an instant gratification world. Consideration is a lost aspect of politeness.
Recently I removed 95% of my radio content from YouTube. Why? because I can’t stand what that platform stands for. I have threatened to leave Facebook numerous times, but I am still there because that seems to be where the world operates from. If you want to reach people, interact, connect the digital age has provided many ways to do so…. yet even that has its own agenda.
So I retreat. Into the forest to be forgotten eventually as all things are. My digital footprint can be erased, interfered with, blocked, and yet even this doesn’t stop me from being successful or living a happy peaceful life. The information I have discussed for YEARS and YEARS has value, yet even I know that value will never be fully credited or acknowledged even by my most loyal fans. Everyone loves you until they don’t.
Don’t fool yourself. People who proclaim how much they care, love and adore you even they too can turn their backs to you in an instant, and do more damage than anyone else. In fact, it is these people that have tried to hurt me the most. Those who have proclaimed their love, put me on a pedestal, and yet their bite is harsh when you are taken down in their eyes, and stones are thrown. My help is misunderstood. I am not interested in being put on any pedestal and when someone starts to do it, I cut it right there. I am not interested in being your momentary idol. It is false, and I won’t have anything to do with it.
Everyone is about taking sides these days. A product of a superficial culture. Whose true legacy will be the garbage patches and death of the worlds oceans.
Don’t be sad at my words, or try to figure out what is wrong with me. I find beauty in my art. Cliche sure, but true none the less. I have lived a very productive life. I have lived through pain, rejection, abuse … but I have also lived through happiness, incredible love, amazing experiences, and here I am on the other side of it, as I get older I realize none of it was ever meant to be forever. That is the treasure. That no matter what happens, it happens and it will either make you feel good or bad, and it is all transitory. Many spiritually aligned readers will say – ah I know what that is! She is going through this, or that – save it please. With all due respect, my words are my truth, and I’m not seeking anyones pity or piety.
At this point in my life I have everything I want, need or could imagine. I am happy and content. I seek nothing.
I do not have, nor do I wish to have, a spiritual teacher who I follow around endlessly giving up my money & time too, so they can suck my energy and lay claim to my accomplishments. I stopped doing this years ago.. oh how many stories I have of such things. I know better now. I see who comes around trying to lay claim to this or that, and I show them the door quickly but with honor. No thanks.
I have been attacked because of my intelligence, my beauty, my ugliness, my human-ness, my love is too deep or too much, my willingness to trust is often taken advantage of by people who don’t know what love is, and those who have had it, do everything they can to kill it over and over because of misperceived things. You can’t be nice to anyone these days without them overthinking it. Suspicion and greed have been hardwired into the human mind.
Yet here I am still smiling, able to write all of the above without feeling depressed, or any negativity what so ever. Because detachment is not about not owning your stuff, it is about not letting anything own YOU. Everyone wants credit these days. Credit for thinking, saying, doing, writing, being, loving, hating… why? Mostly because of money, or perceived fame. Yet credit for love? what an impossible thing.
I used to write a lot about twin flame love. I was quite known for it for awhile. Until someone decided mocking it was more fun, and bullying was the answer. Some became obsessed and projected their twin flame love onto me, without reciprocation or permission. The psychosis that followed was sad and the restraining order that I had to file made it all even worse. It’s a crash & burn story. Destroying my want to share my wisdom on such things publicly. I no longer write or talk about it. Assassination complete.
So where do we go from here? I have no idea. I know what I’ve done, where I’d like to go, but I have no more wise words of wisdom for anyone. Wisdom is misunderstood these days anyway, so anything wise that I say will be misunderstood as well. I could tell you all of my sad, abusive stories so you will believe I can relate, but I don’t live those stories anymore, it’s called growth. I have healed my pain, and as a whole integrated person now, I move, create, build, dream much differently than I have before. Those who are in my life now, know it.
As I sit here and reflect where I was one year ago today, I see the change, the time, the experience, the beauty, the love, the heartache, and I know I am ok. I don’t need anyone else to tell me what’s wrong with me, or to claim me as their student. I am no ones student now, other than life’s. I am not looking for followers, fans or even friends. Because I know my true friends aren’t fickle and they don’t base their loyalty on unstable things.
I am glad I said no…..to situations, people, things that I knew intuitively were not good for me. The confirmation of that now is loud & clear. Everyone who is still here, or gone, is a blessing. One I accept with a complete and full heart. I have full faith in the power of things happen for a reason. It has never led me wrong.
As we watch the dramatic happenings on the collective platform, I suggest only that you turn it off. Brainwashing, mind control, propaganda, mean intended people and situations cannot connect to you if you give them no mind to attach too. Self preservation demands that you know the difference between who is a friend and who is not. Leave the ones alone who aren’t and move on. Their ego thrives on your attention.
So this is my Summer Solstice ‘message’, if there is one in it at all, let it be… it’s ok to not feel great about everything, it’s ok to be honest no matter who thinks what about it, it’s ok when people leave your life, it makes room for others! Not everyone will love you, and those who do will be tested to see if their love is true, not by you necessarily but by life and all the challenges it loves to bring us.
I have given away my work for free for decades. That was a mistake. I regret it. I should’ve charged like so many others do. I have been too open all these years, perhaps I should’ve been less accessible. But I don’t regret it, as much as I do about giving my work away, because that has led me to some incredible places, which have made me who I am. And I like who I am today. Self -love is not selfish, it is a vital component in living a healthy life, with realistic boundaries and the ability to say yes AND no without feeling bad about it. My skin is thick from years of rejection. I have no feelings about it at all today. I have rejected too, and I am thankful I did, and so the formula of it all happens for a reason continues to be true.
To those who I have helped rise up, you have been the point of it all. I don’t seek credit for your rising however, because the credit goes to God. Who placed us in front of each other for however long, and allowed the magic to happen so we could both grow. How beautiful is that.
Being free is about being able to cut the strings that bind us to each other in unhealthily co-dependant ways. Without hurting each other!!
I have little faith in our world today. It is filled with ego, greed, pain and a love to harm. But I do have faith in myself and I know how to honor, so I am ok. Honor is a lost art these days.
This message may fill you with mixed feelings. It may stir your inner world in a strange way. It may leave you sad, mad or indifferent. Either way I am not attached to it, as I felt the call to write, so I did, and the only thing that came out was my truth. I know people are capable of love, beauty, kindness, great things. I have seen it, lived it, been there, done that. But I also know people are capable of awful things. This duality and hypocrisy that still lives in the human experience is a force to be reckoned with. Human hate is as powerful as human love. In a world that has us defining ourselves and each other by social validation, we need to remember who we really are now more than ever.
If you have an emotional reaction to what I’ve written, then this is a mirror for you. If you do NOT have any emotional reaction, then this is NOT a mirror for you. I thank you for taking the time to read it. If you have enjoyed any of my work over the years, thank you for enjoying it. If you have not enjoyed any of my work, that is ok. Thank you for reading it anyway.
All eras have an ending.
Upstate New York 2018